I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
