went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
