Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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