it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
