I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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