Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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