ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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