once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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