In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize