they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
