His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
