Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As shirtless as possible
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
