On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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