At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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