omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
