Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
