It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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