Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
