So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
