hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
