I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
