Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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