alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
