You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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