A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You need a sexual gate keeper
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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