4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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