It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have so much sex to catch up on
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
