Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
