I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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