I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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