So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize