I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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