Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Couch. On fire.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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