I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
