Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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