i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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