i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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