I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
