make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
