i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
