Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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