oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
