I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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