you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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