then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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