She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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