I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
