Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
