Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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