Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
