Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
