So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
