Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
