the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
