You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
