shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
