I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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