I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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