she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
