i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
