Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
