did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
