dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
