Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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