Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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