Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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