How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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