I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
did i just pee glitter
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
