She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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